The Reveal

I'm someone that nobody can ever understand. The true self is too deep to be found. 8 years is not even enough for someone to really get me. Well, that explains how complicated I am. Hard enough? Not easy to handle, not easy to control. Wants freedom that lies way outside all the bitterness of life. I'm the mask of my true self. I can't find the real me in the mirror. All I can see is a figure of disgust, having a wide smile, laughing and full of irritant. Life has thought me a lot. 1 of it is that there's no harm being far apart from someone. But there harm comes when you're too close to someone. N you can never know that someone REALLY WELL. Cause you can never be him/her but yourself. Understanding someone is really hard. Don't bother trying anymore. Cause the more u try, the harder it gets. My life is like an equation with missing numbers. Hard n challenging to solve. Looks manageable but it couldn't be solved. Too many things in my life that I've kept. I just can't help it but to keep all to myself. It's just not my nature to approach people with my problems. They're just small problems. It will go off anyway. But without me realizing, those tiny problems stacked up to be a huge wall of unexplainable thoughts. There are times that I just can't understand why I'm feeling moody and have to just blurt out things from my head. Not even knowing what they are. This is what I call the life of a bitter gourd. It doesn't have a nice appearance, it doesn't taste that nice. But it's still as green as other vegetables. I don't mind u giving up, dear friend. But I'm just glad. That you're now free from all the trying n thinking. I'm just sorry for u that u have to put up with all this nonsense of mine. U should have just end way back then. Sorry for holding u back. Seriously guys, just smile when u see me. Cause that's all that I afford to give everyone. I guess I'm born to give. I can't accept others' sacrifices. I can help others but not myself. Well thanks, dear friend for all that u have given me. Provide me with. I'll be removing my mask.

This is not a post... Just a random shit for myself... Not to be mentioned outside...
I have mixed feelings right now.. Thankful.. Disappointed.. Trying my best to chill n not be sad.. Sighs... Compare n Contrast eh people... I hate this feeling eh seriously... Bon voyage.. Hah.. Well.. Not a problem... I'll be waving n waiting for all of ur return... ;)

Getting this straight in ur ass!

Firstly, I'm gonna say this once to u, DEAR bugger!
U have ALL the things that I deadly WANT the MOST!!! Fine... That, I flick away.. But u never once appreciated ALL the things that u HAVE!! N that too, I flick away... Then, U keep on bugging about ALL those things! AT ME! I STILL close my eyes while FLICKING IT AWAY!! I seriously hate u sia... But yes, I'm smiling... Cause I STILL care for u, dimwit! F ur stinky mouth! Shut it tight! Even when u shut ur mouth, it still stinks! Kau ada matair, kau ada bestfriend yang kau sayang sangat, kau carik aku buat apa?! Nasib kau baik ah aku masih boleh tahan dengan perangai kau! Aku tak tau siapa lagi yang boleh tahan dengan perangai kau! Kau jangan tanya kalau aku ok ke tak, aku ada masalah ke tak, kenapa aku pedih2... Sebab kalau aku bilang kau pun, bukan nya kau buat apa2! IT WON'T MAKE AN F-ING DIFFERENCE! So don't BOTHER! 1 hari kau cakap kau nak berubah! After that, what happen? Kau pijak lagi kepala aku! Kau pekik dekat muka aku! Kau sakitkan hati aku! The best birthday treatment I get ah.. Thanks! Hell with the both of u!
After all that I've done ah.. It's the worst investment a HUMAN with a heart would've ever made! Its' tiring that I have to wear my mask every single time I leave my room.. Believe it or not, u haven't see my real face for 5 long years... That's how much I pretend to be close to u.. To make u happy.. TO MAKE U HAPPY! U never even bother... U don't even care about my feelings...

I WANT, I WANT, I WANT!!!

With a thick skin! Hahaha!!! Don't care! Out of 18, i want 20! Hahaha!!!!
18th floor...
Hoodie (Size L, colour preferred black)
Shoes
DVD Santau (HAHAHA!!!)
Goaly gloves
Bike! (Dreaming on cloud 9)
Green light for car license
Room makeover
$5000 (each HAHA!!)
Macbook pro (Dreaming)
ipod touch
Sound blaster BIG BIG ONE!!! Haha
New pair of jeans
MORE printed t-shirts
Car keys (Not the IACT remote thing)
Bag (Bigger than crumpler, smaller than school bag - light use)
Berms
Nikon D7000 (Grrr)
Alus
Ok that's all... Actually I really squeeze my brain juice for this stuff... Hahaha... I don't know what I want... I guess all I want is a new life, a new beginning and I wanna forget the murky past... Hope everyone can forgive my mistakes... Everything bounce back to me already... The sins... Yes... So please accept my greatest apology and I'm remorseful already... Really! Hmm.......... Ok that's all... This is actually 100% random!

Impromptu Post

Ok let's see.... Hmm... I just want to vent my ANGER on something. I don't know if u're gonna call it a fair situation, I'm being rude or whatever u think I'm like, but I'm still gonna post it... The bad news is this... I have this IMPORTANT person in life. This is the clue ok. I respect HIM a lot. N HE is not my mum. Ok? Got the clue? Good. My mum says that no matter how tiny or huge HIS MISTAKE is, I'm the one who should apologise first. HMM! I'll take her advice. So I did. After A LOT of explaining on "my mistake", I apologised. N yes, I called him, apologise, bla bla bla. I expected him to say nevermind, don't do it again and wanted to salam him... BUT NO! Well this is the fun part!
He turn and say, "why are u apologising? U didn't do anything wrong what." in a "blood rushing to ur brain like nobody's business" way. I don't know how to describe my feelings! OMG! So i just say ok, turn and walk away. On the way to my room, I told my mum that I've done my part. I just lock myself in my room. Blood rushing through my head with full of anger. Oh and the good news, behind my door. Wah best! Got a few rolled-up carpets. So very fat n spongy yet hard and firm. Like punching bag. Power seh! So I just vent it on the carpet. A few huge punches. Satisfied. I on my laptop like I always do every day. trying to log into Facebook but SUPER IDIOTICALLY SLOW!!! So I just create a new post on my blog. Wooh...
The thing is that, he wants his respect, he got his respect. U want a la carte, earn them lah. N u expect me to apologise first when it's not my fault, U got them already. U say don't do it again. But I didn't hear a tiny SORRY from u. (he knocked on my door after a few minutes)Come on lah. This is ridiculous! I'm a human being seh! I have feelings too! Like u! Even though I'm just ur daughter. I need respect too. I'm not trying to say that he's a bad dad. He is a good dad and I love him so much. He sacrifice a lot. Gave me every thing that I need. But there's just some things about him that I just can't stand. This is 1 of it. Sighs. But overall... I love this crazy family cause it's MY crazy family...

Here it is

Hmm... Start of with a happy intro, then not so happy,
then sad, then frustration, then happy again okay...

Firstly... I'm so happy that I actually get to use a lil tiny bit of my savings account for driving license next year.. So I don't have to save like as if I'm getting married on a cruise next year... That's the green light... Insyallah... Next year eh enroll..

Next... Something bothering me.. I know my hair is MESSY but it's already short.. Sadly true... Well, here's the ugly truth...
Sobs... But the good thing is that, it's neater now.. Think positive... BUT!!! It's like I lost something... Because it's been like how many years I kept this long wig of mine! Like going to school without your wig... I have no idea how it feels like lah.. But it felt that way... I wanted to cut short.. But not this short.. Even my dad was shocked... Hmm.. Mommy's Choice.. Nevermind... Ok mum, I LOVE IT!!! Hmmmmmmm...... Anyway, feeling2 Victoria Beckham... Alus lah ni... Hahaha... Piccas later okay... Below2...
Next! This is rather sad.. For me lah... U don't have to cry but go ahead if u want to... I know this someone, who coincidentaly know this another someone who I think was cute but not SUPER cute... And it turned out that he actually has a maximum level of D.O.R.K in him... Such a disappointment... Dah cute2, macho2, macam katak kena goreng... Apa punya blockbuster movie, ni??!!!
Ok.. That's all.. Then lastly... Fyda was super cute just now... Hahaha... In the hall during P.E.. Hahaha.. So funny... Don't ask her anything about her BERAS.. Cause she just DON'T KNOW anything! Hahaha.. Stressed up seh... Then she waved at Imran like DWTF... Hahaha... And he waved back... Then we took pictures... Nice... Everything is very impromptu okay today... So I'm sorry if I look hideous or whatsoever... That's all... Enjoy the Piccas...

Well well well... Hmm... It's been quite some time since i last update my blog... Sighness lah... Feel super tired and lazy to update... But I have no idea why I wanna update tonight... So random! Anyway... Life has been great... Full of stories... But I don't think I'll list down everything lah.. Ok... Let's start with story sharing no. 1... Just short2 ones...

School Re-opens

As u know... School start already... I WAS actually excited about the new module..
CCTV and stuff.. BUT THEN!!! Wah piang man, the teacher... Now I understand why Mr Sheikh said that we will miss Jennifer! Both teacher like doodoo bird... No idea what they're talking about.. I tried actually, listening to him teach.. But after a few minutes, I start playing with the wind.. Start drooling.. N boom! Head on the table.. He's like simply reading the slides lah... Which is VERY SIMILAR to the book.. Or should I rephrase.. They're the same!!! Crappino! Anyway ...

Random Urge

I feel that there's this need of "Heal the world, make it a better place" thing suddenly... I wanna start saving the world.. Saving trees and water mainly... Yup..
Save trees: Save paper by not reading books and read lesson notes.. Awesome idea huh... Know why? Because... If less demand, they will stop cutting the trees right... So everybody should contribute in this campaign that I came up with.. Hmm... Hopefully it'll work out just fine lah...
Save water: Save water by talking less.. This way, I won't lose my saliva that fast.. N! Less talk can cause less complications and misunderstanding in people.. Another brilliant idea.. Any ambassadors? Next stop ...

Moral Boost

I'm in need of a moral boost.. 35% full ready.. But still feel like kedoodle! U know what's kedoodle? It's sai! Feces! Hmmph! Anyway... I don't know what's into me lately.. Do I have to go on stage n make an announcement saying that there'll be a pms party held by me... All are welcome! Damn! I'm sorry to the people around me.. Sometimes I may have a triggered emotion.. But I'll be right back on my toes! Really am sorry ok.. So do take note.. If I'm silent for I dunno how long.. Just don't ask why.. I'll simply say nothing.. Ok? Emm.. N.. DON'T force me in any way to tell u what's my problem.. I don't have the answers.. N u won't be helping that much.. Nyeehee... Follow on ...

Grabbing Hold On A Branch

Hmm... Don't really have anything much to share about this but.. Hmm.. Just giving the title.. To let u know a little about what's going on.. Having some complications with things so bear with it.. A little k.. For the time being.. Just look at me n smile if u were to meet me.. Just smile.. U'll make me happy just by doing that.. Don't have to say anything.. just smile.. If u wish to help me feel better lah.. If not..., then it's ok.. I'll be fine... It's 2.33 am n I'm not sleeping yet.. Hmm.. Ok then.. That's about all for now.. Nighty night2 to all the single ladies.. Haha.. To everyone too..

FAREWELL... TILL THEN!!!